Are you kidding me? That is like a torture treatment to me. From my 2nd year of teaching until now, all I’ve proven to myself over and over is that kids need boundaries… and punishment when they push their limits.
Who’s crazy idea was this?
My well-intentioned mother is the first person that asked if I’d give my oldest a break. She was concerned that I made him anxious. I asked my counselor (that I’m going to improve my anxiety) for his opinion. He asked for examples of their misbehavior and how they respond when I tell them to stop. They really are great kids, so it shouldn’t be this difficult for me.
The “Why” Behind the “What”
He noted that one of my fears is that my children won’t want a relationship with me as adults. He warned that if I’m authoritarian, they will likely rebel and want to be independent. He cautioned from permissive, but we both knew I’m too controlling to allow that. 😂
My Prior Knowledge
Of all the trainings, books, and experiences, a common thread is to be very diligent and intentional on training from ages 1-5. If they knew it was wrong, but chose to do it anyways, then there would be a serious, consistent, and immediate consequence. Somehow, I didn’t transition at age 6 for either of my boys into the coaching stage.
Our Approach/ Attempt
My mom suggested sign language where I hold up my finger, which signals them to stop and adjust. At times, I’ve added that they tell me why I’m holding up my finger. It’s been interesting as one of my children has struggled with this part. Overall, it’s working really well for the 6 and 8 year old boys.
Is 4 years old too young?
My daughter, however, is using this against me. She is always able to explain why, but also using this to her advantage. We were at the park and she went to a different playground without telling me. I brought her over and said she needed to ask permission before leaving. Five minutes later, she did it again. I called her over, did the sign language, and asked her what happened. She smiled and replied, “Ohhhhh, you told me not to go over there without permission and I did.” I asked, “What do you think I should do?” She held up her finger for the sign language and cheerfully said, “Just do this” as she’s skipped away! 🤯🤦♀️
After at least ten more situations, within a couple of hours, I decided that she is not ready for the transition into coaching. I explained this to her and she said, “Remember Momma? You said you wanted to not be so tough on us!” I just replied, “We will work on that once you prove you are able to make better choices on your own.”
I’m welcoming suggestions, so please send them my way. Why is parenting so difficult?!