An Angry Beast of Anxiety

Before our 14th rush to the ER for our son, his pulmonologist questioned if he could have been having airway smooth muscle spasms. When I called the office to determine when I should worry (like that’s even an option for me), she informed me that I should’ve already called 911. I requested to speak with the doctor, who again emphasized that I need to distract my son and try to keep him calm vs rushing to hospital.

I failed at keeping my cool and took him to the hospital. The first nurse said she couldn’t identify the sound from the stethoscope and that she had never heard anything similar. As you probably already know, we’ve gotten at least ten different diagnosis and treatment plans. However, when I look back, our longest stretches have been when I claim to be done with all their “lets try this” ideas and have faith that prayer and home remedies will help him most.

Not the case after he hears me whisper, “Oh no, he has a cold! What if he starts to wheeze?!” “Mom, please come back soon, I need you here in case he goes into hospital!” “Buddy, please don’t touch any germs while Daddy and I go out of town!” 😉 “Honey, are you sure we should take a road trip? What if he goes into distress?!”

My mom and I always joke that he goes into distress when one of us goes out of town. Last night, I pulled out my calendar and all but one of his 14 visits have been within days of the anxiety I get when we travel. I asked him today how we felt when Daddy and I took a trip to FL and he said he was happy for us, but sad because he missed us.

I also noticed that 4 of those visits were within days of me freaking out because I was referred to an oncologist, had surgery scheduled, he busted his head on playground, and was grounded for throwing a rock at his brother. At least two other visits were him coughing, me panicking, and verbally predicting an ICU trip within 24 hours. Were those my momma intuition or self-fulfilling prophecies?!

Against popular beliefs, I do not blame asthma for this. Asthma is a combination of inflammation, increased mucus production, and bronchospasms. I have requested eosinophils bloodwork for months and he typically doesn’t have an increased amount; therefore, inflammation doesn’t factor into the equation. IV steroids didn’t improve his issues, either. Even though the inhaled corticosteroids didn’t prevent these attacks the first year and a half, we are back on them as another trial. I also need to look into why after 10 out of 11 visits that they tried oral steroids, we were back in hospital between 8-30 days!

I’ve read that “strong emotions trigger release of chemicals, such as histamine and leukotrienes, which can trigger the narrowing of your airway.” (WebMD) Combine that with facts that we know he has a bronchomalacia on the right lobe, thick mucus from the CFTR Metabolic Syndrome, and decreased movement of secretions because of his Primary Cilia Dyskenesia mutation. He is thought to get mucus plugs under the malacia. Since my rebellion in ICU in July of last year, I typically only allow them to “try” airway clearance and 12 liters of high flow oxygen to stint open the floppiness, which permits the mucus to pass. This has been successful, within 5 hours, the 4 times they agreed with me. Whereas, when they insisted on their approach, we were stuck there for 6 and 7 days!

I’m now wondering how much of anxiety is playing into the factor. This child can hear my thoughts and sense my tension, like a puppy! He often went to hospital on “my” time and never my husbands, who always had the mindset, “He’s going to be fine. Quit worrying!” However, he only cleared quickly when I would take him to ER.

I usually feel more peace once we get to the hospital because I know they can make him breathe, if necessary. Nurses and doctors are always amazed by how quickly he turns around. Another time, I gave him melatonin during the day because I was desperate for a mucus thinner that I trusted (Zarbees). Once he fell asleep, his respirations went from 60 to 25! Whereas, this was the breaking point for my husband who went into full panic because our son obviously wasn’t fine anymore.

Another time, it was a slushie from a gas station! Our babysitter says if she has an asthma attack, but forgot her inhaler, she just takes deep breaths and calms down. Another mom said her husband could talk their son out of an asthma attack. Wouldn’t those be anxiety attacks and not asthma attacks? His most recent cold, there were very strict orders that NO ONE was allowed to mention fear. We even said, “Arent you so glad you turned 5, as the doctor said no more hospital for 5 year olds! Isn’t that just an itch in your throat and not bugs (what he calls wheezing)?!” My parents were also able to stay their entire vacation in 2 years as we didn’t even tell our son they were gone! Also, when they rescheduled my surgery, we took opposite approach, didn’t tell him, played it off well, and he didnt end up in hospital!

Could it be the collision of a mild cold and stress induced chest tightness that spirals and heals so quickly? Or, is it just one more curve on this roller coaster? Either way, its worth me looking into, if it could save us from even one ICU visit. I may have broken my finger yesterday, but once I saw how overly empathetic and anxious he became, I bought him a matching brace and said, “It’s no big deal, buddy. We can wear these cozy braces and it will be healed in a couple of days.”

Here is the mucus thinner we loved. It was also helpful as once the melatonin kicked in, as there were many times that once he fell asleep the coughing fits improved.

Zarbee’s Naturals Children’s Cough Syrup + Mucus Nighttime with Dark Honey & Ivy Leaf, Natural Grape Flavor, 4 Ounce Bottle