Why God?

I’ve asked this question several times,  but had my 4am answer… as that’s typically only time its quiet enough for me to hear Him whisper.

I had a dream about friends that were about to lose their train company (random, I know). I tried to reassure the wife, “It was never really your company,  but God let you borrow, as a gift.” I woke up with the realization that our children are also gifts from God and need to be cherished as such. It’s a sad and scary thought that we can’t control their safety or life timelines ourselves.

We watched Flicka (super cute movie) last night and it reminded me of this,  as both Katie and Flicka could’ve died in a few of the scenes. How many real life situations have you witnessed and thought, “They shouldn’t have lived through that?!” I believe that those are reminders of God whispering, “This isn’t part of my plan.” And for those that do die too young, such as my sister, I’m confident that God is saying, “Her time suffering on Earth is through. I have returned her home in heaven.  You will see her again, when it’s your time to come home. Please make sure you remember the lessons she taught you, as part of my plan for her life.”

Every medical advance and HUGE decision  (telling the doctors they didn’t have permission to administer life saving drugs) I’ve experienced were only from God himself. I didn’t, nor ever will, have the knowledge to make such extreme conclusions on my own. Those were directly from God and the sooner I move pride aside to admit that, the better off I’ll be.

God will, and always has, attempted to provide the answers and the avenues to get us where we need to be.  I just need to trust Him (and slow down) enough to listen! We cannot allow our strong wills to interfere with His plan. I feel like when we refuse to listen, those whispers are more like screaming, resulting in consequences of pain and anguish.

During these most recent trips to ER and PICU, the doctors couldnt explain what was happening to our son, but decided to try CF prevention.  Many months ago, I felt that God wanted to use our son to prove that CF carriers also have symptoms and require similar treatment and prevention. If experiencing this will save the horror from other patients (and parents) going without, because they dont have the full diagnosis. … its all worth it.

Any time you struggle with this whole idea, go back and list the times God could’ve easily taken away such gifts, but saved them JUST for you. Stop and thank Him for just one more day with the countless blessings He provides each and every day!